Random Statements Overheard On San Francisco Streets

“I’m the black sheep of the family.” said by a middle aged woman having brunch on a sidewalk café.

            “Here come some more of them.” said by a disheveled white bearded man who might not have been homeless, but was definitely mentally ill as my friend and I walked by.

            I could not help myself and asked, “Some more of what?”

            “More fundamentalist Christians.”

            I still could not stop myself. “Yes, praise Jesus.”

            To which he yelled, “The only good Christian is a dead Christian.”

        “Really, you’re a writer!” said by a woman on the bus after I answered her question of why I moved from San Francisco to Los Angeles years ago. In LA when you say you’re a writer it sounds as impressive and exotic as saying you’re a cotton picker in the antebellum South.

            “Get in here. The ladies will love that tie.” said by the doorman of a North Beach strip club as I walked by his eye line. I was wearing a tie.

            “Do you know where I could catch a bus to Pittsburg?” asked by a bespectacled twenty-five year old Asian at 2 in the morning.

            Assuming he was drunk and meant the city in Western Pennsylvania I said, “You’ll probably have to go to the Grayhound station.”

            “Do you know where that is?”

            “No.”

            “Damn, I got to be at work in the morning.”

            I then saw some people leave a locked office building. He squirmed his way in through the open door probably to spend the night. I later learned Pittsburg without an h is a city in the East Bay about an hour from San Francisco.

            “Where are you going?” asked by a cab driver as he picked me up by Union Square.

            “To North Beach.”

            “The exact opposite place I want to go.”

            “Sorry.” I said. “I guess there’s a lot of drunk drivers.”

            “That’s the least of my worries.”

            Somehow I mentioned I was from LA. He responded, “That place is terrible. You couldn’t pay me to live there.”

            “It has got its downfalls, but it also has its charms.”

            “Like what?”

            “The weather is better and there’s more diversity of people.”

            “Diversity? We got all walks of life here in San Francisco.”

            “Except for sane cab drivers.” I thought, but I tried to get on his good side. “There are things I miss about San Francisco like the redwoods. And the food here is out of control.”

            “By out of control you mean good?”

            “Yes.” We got to the front steps of my sister’s apartment.

            He told me the fare and then pointed at a couple doing nothing more but kissing on the street. “See those two, they don’t even care who sees them. I’m going to call the cops on them.”

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One thought on “Random Statements Overheard On San Francisco Streets

  1. It’s funny what you sometimes hear people say or what they ask you or what they are doing out in public.

    Last night I was sitting in the drive thru at Steak ‘n’ Shake in Greenville and saw a couple making out, all over each other, in my rearview mirror. Now, honestly, I’m not so crass as to call the cops on them for public displays of affection, but I did begin to wonder when I noticed one thing. They both had long hair, and both had girlish demeanors. One was obvious I could see her face, when the person in front of her wasn’t sucking on it. But if the other wasn’t a woman, he/she/it missed a great opportunity to be one. And that’s in good ol SC, you might expect to see something like that in San Francisco.

    They needed a room too, FAST!

    Then the day before I was walking down the sidewalk after getting myself something to eat and a guy asked me, “How do I get to the Civic Center?” Now, giving directions isn’t too hard, sometimes, and this question wasn’t either. However it does become complex when the person asking for directions is doing so as they hang out the driver’s side window of the van they are in and are moving away from you quickly. In the 5 seconds I had to respond, all i could muster was to point and say, “That way!”

    He gave me the thumbs up. You might end up seeing him in Pittsburg.:)

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