If you are a substitute teacher and wish to be called in to work there are two actions you can take. The first is to get yourself sick. If you are ailing others probably also have caught the same plague . Those persons with full time employment have sick days where they will get paid to recuperate and giving you, the substitute teacher, a chance to earn a buck and to spread whatever disease you might be carrying.
The second action is to stay up late and get really drunk. Go to bed some time after two in the morning with the world spinning and a smile on your face and you can be assured that your phone will be ringing at six in the morning to cover for a teacher in an impoverished South Central middle school. Is this because just like a sickness the spirit of Dionysus is contagious and the full time teacher also wishes to sleep in that morning? I can not say.
What I do know is you can go a full week without working and the one night you decide to enjoy your early middle age with alcohol poisoning, the next morning you will need all the wits and patience the Gods have bestowed upon you. But sometimes it is not bad.
You will be asked to teach PE and you can just make the kids run laps all day and if they speak too loudly you can tell them to do push ups. And maybe there will be a kid who compliments you with a ,” Wow Mister you have cool eyes. They look like my Dad’s.” You will look in the mirror at your eyes that are bloodshot and half closed and wonder if her father is always this hungover.
You will relive your youth counting down the minutes until that final bell rings. You will go to sleep early that night. This responsible action will assure that there will be no work for you the next morning.