Take A Seat

Was it Daunte Culpepper who said there were seven levels of hell? Who ever coined that phrase if they knew what they were talking about would surely find a place for some jerk who was cruising around Lincoln and Alton on Miami Beach last Monday night. It was a nice night so instead of driving or walking to the movie we rode our bikes. We saw the flick and when we came out a couple hours later someone got themselves damned to an afterlife of being frozen in feces. 

My bicycle was locked firmly in place, but something was amiss with my love interest’s bike. It wasn’t there. Well, it kind of was. The frame and the tires were still secured by lock to the lamppost, but her seat and basket were gone. Now I could understand someone in dire straits stealing a bike. Maybe you need to run from the law for a crime you did not commit or perhaps your life is an Italian movie and you need a bicycle for a job that will support your starving post-war family. But what are you going to do with a bicycle seat? How much crack rock can you possibly trade for it? It’s not like you can put it in your living room to use when you have guests over. 

And what are you going to do with a bicycle basket? Take it with you when you go grocery shopping? We’re lucky we didn’t put all our eggs into it.

We toyed with the idea of riding back seatless, but I’d never been too adventurous with protruding objects going anywhere near my buttocks. And so we walked our bikes back the ten or so blocks to her apartment in utter defeat. The police have no leads in who the culprit might be, so I’ve been checking Craig’s List to see if anyone is selling a bicycle seat and basket.

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2 thoughts on “Take A Seat

  1. That is hysterical! Not so much for you at the time, but when you start thinking about it again later, after you have a new seat and basket, you’ll laugh.

    You have to be one desperate person to ONLY steal the seat and basket. Maybe it was a guy that needed it for his daughter’s bike??? One would only hope, at least then if a child were benefitting from it the after taste of them being stolen wouldn’t be quite so annoying. However, I’m sure you, I, even Daunte Culpepper are not that lucky.

    Hey, didn’t Daunte play in Miami for a bit? Maybe he stole it now that he’s not playing in the NFL. I think he’s playing in the UFO league or something. Anyway, he ain’t making the coin he once did, put it that way! So every little bit helps his exercise regimen.lol

    P.S.

    On a more somber note, today marks the 25th Anniversary of the Challenger Disaster. January 28, 1986. With your present location being in Florida, having a history of having lived there before now, I’m sure you were a lot closer by when that happened than I was. And since you are a substitute teacher, I think a recap of a teacher’s finest moment ending in tragedy would make for an interesting post. Maybe a Special Edition post for later today. “Where were you when the Challenger exploded?” Just a thought…

    • Twentyfive years ago, huh? I was in art class when I found out about it. I guess I was in second grade and my teacher when the class was brought in had the TV on watching the aftermath coverage. At the time I guess I thought that sort of thing happened all the time.

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