Wearing Dirty Clothes

I understand the novelty of being in Miami and seeing a store selling a t-shirt that says, “I’m in Miami Bitch” and buying said garment. It is kind of funny because you are in Miami and it’s pretty ironic that there is a song with the same title. But what about the children?

Some innocent seven year old tyke sees this  t-shirt on a French guy with a third degree sunburn  and all of a sudden the kid’s parents are in a precarious position. The kid just learned to read and that past Christmas found out there was no Santa Claus and he asks his parents, “Mom, Dad, what’s a bitch?”

“Well little Timmy… um… remember Lassie, she was a bitch.”

“Dogs can read?”

“Um… some can.”

“I want a bitch.”

Child services overhears such talk and little Timmy goes away to foster care.

There are other foul worded shirts roaming around the streets. Just the other day I saw a girl wearing a shirt saying, “It’s my birthday bitch.” Now I’m left wondering if it actually was the girl’s birthday or did someone buy it for her birthday and it was laundry day and she had to other clothes to wear? The shirt looked slightly worn so my best guess is it was a present from last year’s birthday and she was having another birthday and decided to get more use out of the gift.

But what’s with offending absolute strangers? Am I likely to buy a birthday girl a drink after her cursing at me? No. I recommend lushes to instead wear a complimentary shirt that says something along the lines of, “It’s my birthday, Handsome.”

But my favorite and most thought provoking of shirts sporting obscenities was one I saw a young man wearing proudly that stated, “No Bitchassness.” I’m not exactly certain what that word means, but by the sentence structure I appreciate that instead of insulting me, he was simply laying down the law.

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2 thoughts on “Wearing Dirty Clothes

  1. Was the picture above from Teen Wolf? Personal favorite of mine.

    There are some interesting shirts out there. My mother found one in a store somewhere that dropped the F-bomb like a mother…ya know. Highly insulting and definitely not something you’d want to give your pastor for Easter or something.

    One of my personal favorites takes me back to the seventies. Yes, there I was, lying in the womb, listening to the sounds of banjo music and men squealing like pigs. Yes, i would be talking about Deliverance. But I was in Helen, Georgia a few years ago and picked up a shirt which said on the front, “Paddle Faster…”, and then on the back read, “…I Hear Banjo Music.” So this shirt provided an appropriate warning, especially considering the venue and region it was located in. Helen happens to sit right next to a river, so very appropriate.

    Another favorite of mine was a shirt I once bought at Six Flags, also in Georgia. It had the seal of the Witness Relocation Program emblazoned upon it with the phrase, “You don’t know me”, written below. Classic.

    In Charleston they have a restaurant called A.W. Shucks. Great restaurant by the way, but I had to buy the shirt when I read the back, “Big mussels, great legs, and fantastic tails. Come get fresh with us.” Needless to say, there were a lot of young hotties working there that day, so that probably aided in my purchasing power, with utmost resentment from my wife.

    I love catchy phrases that don’t come out vulgar, because then you can actually wear them in public and not worry about that which you have mentioned here. It’s good to care how something like that affects other people, it means you care. But it doesn’t mean you can’t have a little fun. All those other choices I just mentioned are awesome and although I’m sure they would still prompt some anxiety for the parents in trying to explain said shirts, at least they don’t “shock and awe” the kid, ala Jay and Silent Bob style. Oh yeah, they have a shirt for that phrase too, thank you George “Moron” W. Bush.

  2. Yep, that’s a scene from Teen Wolf.
    I’d like to see the A.W. Shucks t-shirt. Shucks is not a word that’s used enough these days. maybe I could get a shirt made that says “Shucks Bitch”.

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