E-Cards From The Past


This morning I checked my e-mail to discover a message in my inbox. It was an e-mail from my past self. In my eleventh grade computer class one of our assignments was to sign up for an e-mail account and write our future selves an e-mail. The teacher taught us how to manipulate the e-mail so that the message would be delivered to us at a future date of our choosing. If I remember correctly most people chose the dateline of December 31, 1999 or January 1, 2000. I was more forward thinking. I knew the Y2K bug would not amount to much and chose the morning of my 33rd birthday to make contact.  Here is what it said….

Hey Old Man,

If you are not already dead like all great rock stars and revolutionaries are by the time they get as old as you, well then you suck and your life was a waste. I expected so much more of you.

Yours Truly,


P.S. If you did die you better not have died a virgin.

I found that e-mail a little jarring. I certainly had both high expectations for myself and  an awfully cynical edge. And how rude not to wish me a happy birthday! I decided to write back to myself and I set the e-mail calibration so it would reach my e-mail inbox the day after it was sent, February 19, 1995. I had trouble starting the message. Was it too narcissistic to address myself as Dear David and would I cause a butterfly effect if I gave myself too much information about the future? But eventually the right words came to me as evidenced below.

Young David,

With that kind of attitude you are not going to get very far in life. I recommend not being so critical. And to answer your questions, no I am not dead, nor am I a virgin. I do have some advice for you though if you do want to become a rock star. Write a song with the lyrics, “Who let the dogs out? Who? Who? Who?” (with the last three whos sounding like a dog barking). I do not have any advice for you on how to become a revolutionary, but if you plan on visiting Afghanistan do it in the next six years and no later. I am looking forward to further correspondence.


Old Man D


3 thoughts on “E-Cards From The Past

  1. Now the only thing that would be more creepy than getting a message from your younger self that you sent is if you get a reply to your current message that you just sent.lol

    That’s pretty wild man and great, creative thinking. Oh if only a butterfly effect were possible and you could send information back in time to your younger self. A guy name Richard Mallet is actually trying to do that very thing…aka create a time machine. But he only believes that information can be sent back and not a time traveler ala marty McFly style.

    I’ve often times thought how it would be awesome to go back and tell your younger self about stuff that would make them rich beyond the dreams of Avaris! Maybe tell myself, the sci fi buff that I am, to write a little story about an alien invasion with gigantic ships, but make sure you set it on Independence Day just for effect. Or maybe give them ample stock market tips, like for instance buy all you can the day after September 11, 2001 and especially after October 2008. Honestly, sending information back to stop bad future events is so Hollywood, or even to change your lifestyle is just cliche. Why not just go back in time because you wanna mess with the order of things? That sounds like a whole lot more fun.lol

    People all the time tell me things they would change about themselves if they had it to do over again, but changing your past could lead to much worse things than better, in some cases. You might actually be dead with a different decision. I might not have children. With every action there is a potentially positive or negative reaction we have to come to grips with.

    So before you tell yourself to change your attitude, just remember that is what makes you who you are. But I do agree, give yourself insight about one hit wonders and maybe even send a message to the Mayans and tell them to write what they really mean in English this time.

    They might reply: “Great Scott! That’s pretty heavy.”

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