Hey, Pablo Chiste, you suck. I just got an internship at Univision, so I don’t have to put up with your BS anymore. But I’m such a good guy that even though I’m leaving I’ll still write that post I promised you while you’re cruising the gay bars in Oregon.
My first day working for Pablo Chiste we met at a Starbucks. He told me he set up headquarters there so he could observe the human condition. Then when the barista told us if we didn’t buy something, we’d have to leave, he made up some baloney about how if we purchased something we would no longer be unbiased observers.
So the next week we set up shop at the public library. I kept asking him, “Bro, you got anything I can do?” He’d yell at me for breaking his concentration in trying to find nude pics of that chick from the Green Lantern movie. Then he’d talk about what we should get for lunch. He’d send me around town to get him these crap vegan sandwiches. Guess what, jerkoff, that was real mayo in that sandwich and that bacon wasn’t made from tofu. That was bacon made from pig, you dumbass.
And man, what’s with all your complaining about the Miami Heat? It’s not the coach’s fault. They just suck and no one sucks worse than LeBron James except for you!!!!!!!!
And just so you all know, he made me write that last post. He told me to write something when he was gone and when I said I didn’t have any ideas, he told me to write about how awesome this website is. When I told him that would be a really short column, he started yelling at me and told me he’d fail me if I didn’t write it. Guess what butthead, I don’t need your grade any more. The only one you’re failing now is yourself. Later,