I Know Why They Hate Me

The world is quite lucky I am not Black, Gay, Hispanic, Eskimo, diabetic or any other recognizable minority as I would never let them forget it. I know this because the only trump card I am allowed to play when dealt with rejection and things not going my way I use relentlessly.

I was born a Jew. I was circumcised and Bar Mitzvahed. I don’t believe in the religion but I do believe I’m being persecuted because of it.

When a judge rules against me for contesting a speeding ticket, it’s because I’m a Jew. When a supervisor chastises me for not doing my job correctly, it’s because I’m a Jew. When someone doesn’t like the tone of voice I’m using, it’s because I’m a Jew.

“But how do they know you’re Jewish?”

“My name.”

“Your last name doesn’t sound Jewish.”

“Maybe not, but you can’t hide this hook nose.”

“But what about that woman who told you if you parked in her spot she’d have you towed? You said it was because you’re Jewish.”

“Why are you bringing up that Nazi sympathiser?”

“She, herself, was Jewish.”

“She’s a self-loathing Jew then.”

Sammy Davis Junior had it all wrong when he was golfing and someone asked him his handicap. He said, “I’m a Black Jew with one eye.” That’s three advantages  in my book. Three ways for you to defer blame and avoid taking responsibility for your own faults.


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