I’m a bit of an idiot. More times than I am able to count I have forgotten to zip up my fly. Someone will inevitably say “XYZ” which will leave me dumbfounded until they spell it out. “eXamine Your Zipper.”
I will thank them and then tell them, “C U Next Tuesday.”
Perhaps because of my forgetfulness I am amazed that I have not taken this carelessness a step further. I am haunted by anxieties that I could take this faux pas to the next logical step. It is a nightmare related to the showing up to class naked genus.
While I am urinating I sometimes have the fear that I will get lost in thought and forget to put my business back where it belongs. That I will wander back towards civilization with my privates sticking out for all the world to see. And I wonder as far as my knowledge reaches how I have never heard of this happening before. I have been to bars and parties where people are falling on their face drunk. I have seen people vomit uncontrollably, pissing themselves and rambling incoherent statements, but somehow all these Blottos are able to get themselves in order when they return from the bathroom.
Perhaps it is one of those unconscious functions of the brain similar to how the brain gets our body to digest food and breathe without us thinking about it.