Who Should I Be When I Grow Up?

When I was a kid I had a wide variety of Halloween costumes. One year I was a werewolf. Another year a vampire. Once I was Doctor Doom and another time I was a Frenchman complete with a beret, mustache and baguette.

In my adulthood I have been very lazy about  Halloween costumes. On and off I have stuck with the old reliable Clark Kent outfit. It’s an easy costume based on a recipe I stole from someone else. I put on my glasses, I part my hair, and I wear a suit with the tie loosened and the shirt unbuttoned halfway to reveal a Superman t-shirt. There was one year where I changed it up slightly with Bizarro Clark Kent. Bizarro is a failed deformed clone of  Superman, so I assembled the same exact costume, but  put zombie make-up on my face and to stay in character grunted incomplete sentence fragments. “Me no Clark Kent. Me Bizarro Kent Clark.” My voice was very hoarse at the end of the night.

There was one other year where I dressed up as Green Lantern. I put a mask on my face, bought a giant green ring, and put a Green Lantern t-shirt over a black long sleeve shirt. I looked like a genuine super-hero. The night after Halloween I went to a costume party, on the way home I stopped at a bar. Since it wasn’t Halloween exactly and was the night after, only a couple other people were dressed up. I was definitely the only superhero in the establishment and thus a couple drunk hipster super villains tried to pick a fight with me. They were doing their best to get under my skin. It was one of the few times I considered fighting a stranger. Fortunately cooler heads prevailed as I would have felt silly locked in a jail cell dressed like Green Lantern. The next year I went back to Clark Kent and there was no drama. 

I am unsure how I will dress myself for this Halloween which means Clark Kent will most probably be reporting for duty.


3 thoughts on “Who Should I Be When I Grow Up?

  1. I recall some of my costumes. My favorite one year was dressing as Zoro. Loved Zoro and still do.

    The the always reliable Dracula. A few years I went through the G.I. Joe phase and dressed in camo carrying a slew of guns around with me, toy guns that is.

    One of the best was when I was in middle school and dressed as Freddie Kruger and got my face all done up like his, thanks to help from my mother who is very artistic. That one stole the show that year with girls constantly stipping me to check it out.

    Then my friends an I in high school let my cousin do the artsy stuff and went around with bullet holes n our heads all night, scaring the bjesus outta people.

    Then I had two cool costumes in college, Men in Black and Forest Gump, porn star! Forest was awesome. You just dress exactly like he did in the movie, but when a girl approaches you and especially if they touch you, you respond the way Forest did on the bed with Jenny. Priceless. I also came up with one of my all time best lines. During that party someone asked me where Jenny was. I responded, “Jenny left me. Drove me to drinkin.” It was hilarious.

    But lately all I have been is a crazy doctor scaring kids outside my parent’s home since I live in t in the middle of no where. But now I dress up my kids. So seems like my days of dressing up are over, but who knows, maybe I’ll whip out Forest again one of these days.

  2. Hey David! Remember me? Its Ash from HHS. Just wanted to let you know that your website looks great and that I’ll be picking up a copy of your book the first chance I can. Well, c ya around!

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