Bah Humbug Oy Vey!

There is no one lonelier than the Jew on Christmas. I’m sure Hindus and Muslims are pointing fingers in their own directions, but last I checked Ebenezer Scrooge was not wearing a turban and the Grinch did not praise Allah. No, these characters are obviously Jews who have been vilified for not getting in the Christmas spirit and sadly I can identify with them.

I’m still scarred from the days of my youth when friends would come over in late December and ask where our Christmas tree was. I would have to explain how it burned down because of all the lights we had hanging on it. And I figured those lies were why Santa Claus never left me anything. I would have been happy with a lump of coal.

But what about Chanukah, I’m sure you’re asking, as those eight days force you to say “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas” at all state sanctioned events? I could not create a holiday with more anti-semitic stereotyping if I tried. Someone figured if you give them eight days worth of presents and chocolate shaped as gold coins it might shut those greedy Jews up. And yes, I have seen my bearded brethren driving around in Chanukah-mobiles with giant menorahs rigged up on their front hoods, but how stingy do they think we are that we should be excited about the Chanukah miracle that one day’s worth of oil lasted for eight days? My doctor said you shouldn’t be eating oil any way. It’s too high in cholesterol.

I suppose I could just conform and join in on the Christmas hoopla. Israel Baline changed his name to Irving Berlin and wrote the song White Christmas and Jesus Christ himself was born a Jew and he certainly got in the Christmas spirit, but what fun would there be in that? There are no two words more fun to say in succession than bah and humbug except for maybe oy and vey.

So bah humbug and oy vey and to all a good night.

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2 thoughts on “Bah Humbug Oy Vey!

  1. Merry Christmas!!!!lol

    What is funny about this holiday is that somehow it’s supposedly about Jesus, but the actual events of the “holiday” correspond to old pagan rituals that early Christians had to abide by as they celebrated Christ’s birth. My dad told me this one and pointed out a few things.

    What does a Christmas tree have to do with Jesus?

    Why is there even a Santa Claus (which if you change a letter and rearrange some it becomes Satan Claws, funny huh? Appropriate too in that Satan’s Claws seem to be fully engrained these days in the entire Christmas Season, with the help of mass marketing.)

    What do all the lights have to do with ANYTHING? Besides running my power bill up to epic proportions?

    A perfect example of how crazy this season is shows itself in the movie “Christmas with the Kranks.” They try to skip Christmas, rather than deal with the issues of their daughter not being there that year, and you would have thought they committed a felony. I remember one person even asking during the film, “Are they Jewish?”

    But my firm belief is, because so many Christians believe somehow the entire Jewish race is responsible for Jesus’ death, they just plain disrepect y’all. I’ve debated the whole “Happy Holidays” vs. “Merry Christmas” deal and pretty much it’s petty. Absolute pettiness, mostly on the part of many a Christian who isn’t willing to look under their tree and say, “What are we doing and what does this have to do with Jesus anyway?”

    I just don’t remember the wise men bringing DVDs, Blu-Ray players, surround sound systems, or every toy a child could ever want to Jesus’ manger. The key word there is they were “wise”, they would have known already that stuff like that is just not important.

    What should matter most this time of year is that we’re surrounded by those that we love. And if I recall you have a lovely of your own to be with these days! So love on that “love interest” of yours, celebrate whatever your heart desires, and be of good cheer. Besides, it’s Christmas and it’s…THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR! I still don’t get the part of that song about scary ghost stories, unless they are referring to Charles Dickens? Or Satan Claws.

    • Well said. I suppse it’s in bad form to be down on anything that espouses generosity and spending cheerful times with the people around you. So I’ll get in the Christmas/holiday spirit for the next two days and then on December 26 go back to being a cheap miserable loner for the rest of the year.

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