Pablita Chiste

According to science the only difference between being born male and being born female is one chromosome. If my y chromosome was instead an x I would be a woman and I thank my lucky stars this is not the case.

I love women, but I would be terrible as one. I have enough trouble shaving my face, I can not imagine having to shave my legs and getting the rest of my hairy DNA waxed. The rest of my grooming would also have to step up a notch or else I would need to have been blessed with extraordinarily perfect breasts to have any chance to possess feminine wiles.

If I was a woman I could see myself being virtuous. But I could also see myself being a slut. So perhaps I would be a virtuous slut. Preferably I would be a lesbian. Or if I was Catholic a nun, for it grosses me out to imagine female me cuddling with a dude and listening to his stories of his wild and crazy fraternity days in-between burps and farts.

But what I’d miss most of all if I was a woman is being able to freely urinate outdoors. Ladies, you do not know this, but this is one of life’s great, simple pleasures and I’d readily sacrifice the sensitivity, empathy, and nurturing ways I’d possess as a woman for the free convenience of being able to relieve myself off the side of a boat.

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