I’d been using the same turquoise swim trunks for quite some time. There’s some drag to them when I get in the ocean, but not so much that I have to be wary of them falling off. They’re comfortable enough so I put them on when I want to walk the six plus blocks to the ocean, but there’s nothing particularly noteworthy to these shorts. Or so I thought.

One time after my swim I was feeling brazen enough to walk all the way home without bothering to put my shirt back on. As I got to  an intersection a guy in a car yelled, “Nice bathing suit!” My first reaction was the guy was heckling me, but then I thought wouldn’t my hairy back and shoulders be the first object of ridicule? Especially when so many other bathing suits worn in South Beach were of the Speedo variety. But then I remembered my location. I was on South Beach where there was a large gay population. Maybe the guy was hitting on me by flattering my fashion sense. Lord knows, I’ve been privy to less clever things being yelled out of a moving car towards a woman.

The next time I got out of the water though I noticed something about the shorts. (Well OK, it wasn’t the next time it was probably a couple months later). These shorts were kind of transparent when you got them wet (well not kind of, they are). I had been  exposing myself to hundreds of beachgoers, many pedestrians, and several guys cruising the streets for a good time.

So I realized it was time to get something more tasteful.

I now wear Speedos.

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