Cleaning Services

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Our apartment was slowly becoming a mess. It was orderly enough since I hate clutter, but I can’t stand to do those chores that require time and care. So while I’m fantastic at loading and unloading the dishwasher, the dust on the blinds and whatever might be in the toilet bowl aren’t going anywhere if left to my own devices.

As I walked home the other day it seemed fate had dealt me an easy solution. There was a business card that in bold letters offered “Cleaning Services”. On the right side of the business card was a photograph of a woman from her chest up wearing a low cut shirt that showed ample cleavage.

This was not a beautiful woman. She in no way bore resemblance to the hard working  maid pictured above. She was in her forties and was what I would consider portly. But still to a lonely man of less discerning taste  her come hither look on the business card might be just what the doctor ordered.

And then it hit me. What if these cleaning services this card was advertising had nothing to do with sweeping or mopping, but rather vacuuming the desire from men’s loins? Could this cleaning lady actually be a prostitute? Why else would she have a picture of herself on her business card?  Looking over the card it was easy to see each chore as a possible euphemism for sex.

Full service deep cleaning.

In and out in less than two hours.

No job too big.

Carpet cleaning (could mean she accepts female clients).

Lawn work (ditto).

Whether this woman was a sex worker or a cleaning lady half of her clientele was bound to be disappointed. Those that were looking for companionship will not want her wasting time on grease stains. Those that wanted their sty to be put in order might be confused when she tried ironing their pants while they’re still wearing them.

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