Vegan Cliches

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The other day when I was leaving the house to head to my bookie I figured I would also stop at my drug dealer’s house, I referred to this decision as killing two birds with one stone. Then it hit me as being vegan I’m against the killing and cruelty of animals so shouldn’t my speech reflect this? Shouldn’t I be speaking of stopping to pick up some crack rock and paying off Guido as feeding two birds with one hand? Upon further thought here are more cliches that can be made vegan friendly.

Instead of there’s more than one way to skin a cat… there’s more than one way to peel a papaya.

Instead of I have butterflies in my stomach… All those beans I ate earlier are making me a little nervous.

Instead of let the cat out of the bag… Let the banana out of it’s peel.

Instead of running around like a chicken with his head cut off… Running around like you ate a lot of beans and can’t find a bathroom.

Instead of a frog in the throat… I’m sick.

Instead of your goose is cooked… Your turnips have mold on them.

Instead of to flog a dead horse… Put the beat down on an empty container or rice milk.

Instead of it’s raining cats and dogs… Noah, better pack a lot of tofu on the ark.

Instead of a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush…  I’d prefer a hand job over a threesome with two guys and a girl.

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