Getting In That Thanksgiving Spirit

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This Thanksgiving I have a lot to be thankful for, so I’m going to make sure to give thanks to as many people as I can. To accomplish this feat I will…

Stand in front of doors and wait for someone else to open them.

Get in elevators and not push the button for the floor I want to go to. Eventually someone will push the button for me and get much thanks.

Sneeze as much as I can until someone says, “bless you”.

Start conversations by complimenting myself and asking the other party if they agree. For example, “Hey Jimmy,long time no see. I’m really looking good today, don’t you think?”

Ask friends, loved ones, and random strangers for money.

Answer people’s questions with my own questions about how wonderful I am. For example when someone asks, “Do you know where fifth street is?” I’ll answer with “Are you asking me because I look like someone with a good sense of direction?” “Um… I guess.” ‘”Thank you. And also because I look wise to the ways of the world and also because I appear to be the type of person that you would regret not talking to?” When they say yes to all of the above you have another perfect opportunity to give thanks.

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