The Throne Room


Once I was trapped in a conversation with a stand-up comedian. Everything they will tell you is either part of a past routine or a testing ground for a future monologue, but after divulging an idea for a movie about an African-American family in a haunted mansion that would be titled “Spooks in the House” he shared with me an important truth.

“The most important feature in any house that you move into is to make sure the bathrooms have got working locks. Once you have a family it’s the only place where you’re going to get any peace. They can knock on your door, yell your name, but you got that private space that you get to be with yourself. I had one son who kept trying to show me drawings he was doing while I was in the bathroom. He kept shoving his artwork under the door. I told him I liked the purples and the blues he was using, but if he shows me another one of his paintings while I’m on the toilet there will be streaks of brown on it.”

I’m not sure how that comedian’s career is going, but I can relate with the peace and quiet necessary while taking care of business. Superman might need to go to an arctic hideaway miles away from civilization, most men simply need a thick door, a comfortable seat, working plumbing, and the latest issue of their favorite magazine.


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