In the movies Ace Ventura lived about six blocks from my apartment on Miami Beach. This is the only reason why I can figure there have been a rash of missing pet signs put up on telephone poles around my neighborhood.
There is a missing dachshund. He looks cute, but I can’t imagine anyone looking oto hard for him since there’s no reward offered except for gratitude. Especially when right above his flier there is a cat that is missing that will net you $500 if you return him to the owner.
But the goldmine involves a white 13 year old cat whose reward is $2000. There are pictures of the cat in various poses along with two paragraphs of prose describing the cat and his last whereabouts. Obviously the owner is grieving, but the most interesting part of the sign is that several times in bold letters it says “IF YOU HAVE HIM” which does not make me think they will pay the reward as they will probably end up accusing you of being the catnapper if you return him.
Which would make sense. There are many unsavory sorts around. As the expression goes, one missing pet is a tragedy, two are a coincidence, and three are a conspiracy.